Dichotomy

dichotomy: noun
A division into two especially mutually exclusive or contradictory groups or entities.

This word comes to mind tonight as I sit and wrestle through my thoughts and feelings. The past few days have been hard; I feel as though I have hit a wall while trying to adjust to being home. A mere 10 weeks ago, all that was on my mind in Cambodia was coming home. "Everything will be so great, so normal," I thought. These past few days I have felt everything but great and normal. Tonight as I sat and thought about my depressed, lonely feelings these last few days, I realized I am living in a dichotomy.

Here in California, I am living a fast-paced life of wealth and ease. I am miserable because I feel like I have no purpose. In Cambodia, I lived a slow-paced life of poverty and daily trials...yet there, I felt full of purpose and drive. Why was I so naive in thinking my life at "home" would be so lovely and normal? I should have realized that, after living a year in a totally new environment, nothing would ever feel normal again.

It doesn't help that I don't have a job yet: I love what I do, and I love working with and being around kids. I want a job. I love teaching, and I want to keep it up. Regardless, I feel as if my purpose in teaching here will never feel like my purpose felt like in Cambodia. I know, I know. I need to find out what God's purpose for me is here, bloom where you are planted...right? I've always been good at that, but I still feel like my purpose here won't be as great, as needed, as fulfilling as knowing I could walk down my street and provide a meal for someone who hasn't had one in a week. Knowing I could give a homeless person a dollar that could feed them for 3 days. In telling someone about the love of Christ, and seeing the excitement in their eyes because they had never heard that news before...and knowing it could literally save their life.

Although the needs of the Cambodian people were overwhelming to me most of this past year, they were that way because they were new needs and ones that I felt unequipped to solve. I got used to the ease of meeting needs in Cambodia, and the needs were in your face on a daily basis: beggar children following you while riding your bike, a limbless man managing his way down the street, or a sick elderly person riding on the back of a moto with an iv drip connected to their arm. Whatever the need, it was readily able to be met.

Where all this is going? I have no idea. I just needed a place to write, vent, and get my feelings out. I need a job, and I need to feel like I live a meaningful life. Sitting around all day is driving me nuts!!!

Back to our Roots

We have officially been home 5 weeks now, and I think it is safe to say we are fully settled in: no more waking up at 3am and wanting to fall asleep at 4pm, no more jumpiness at birds (which move strangely like the rats we had in Cambodia), and no more suitcases full of things to unpack. We are overjoyed to be home, although we both have been truly missing Cambodia this past week. We have had a lot of neat experiences since we've been home: we have been on a short road trip to Yosemite and Fresno over 4th of July weekend, we have seen many friends and family we missed over the past year, we have taken nighttime summer bike rides, tried new recipes, gardened and played with dirt and plants, and we have delighted in the simplicities of life here in Los Gatos. I (Karie) am in my 4th week of summer school, and cooking with 80 kids each day has been a real blast! Brian is in his third week of school, and has his nose deep in the books each night. Here are some pictures of what we've been up to at home, as well as our new favorite summer recipe: Raspberry Lemon Iced Tea. Enjoy!

Oh gardening, how I missed thee!

The joys of picnics in the park and self timers.

Brian with the big rocks in Yosemite.

Yosemite Valley and my Mom

Leaving Yosemite National Park-the view from Glacier Point.

Hiking the Vernal Falls trail: we saw 2 rattlesnakes, a centipede, deer, and coyotes!

:: Raspberry Lemon Iced Tea ::

6 raspberry flavored tea bags
1/2 cup fresh lemon juice
3/4 cup of sugar
8 cups of water

1.) Look out your window to see if you have a lemon tree, like this one! If so, pick 2-3 lemons off and juice them. If not, go buy lemons at the store.




2.) Boil 8 cups of water. Turn off the heat, put the tea bags in, and let steep for 1 hour.



3.) After it has sat, put the tea into your desired container (pitcher, etc.). Stir in the sugar until dissolved.

4.) Stir in the lemon juice. Allow to cool completely in the fridge until you serve it. Add a fresh slice of lemon to each glass of tea poured. Enjoy!